What If There Aren’t Any Answers?

An apple as they say doesn’t stray far from the tree. And my daughter’s need for a black and white world with concrete answers undoubtedly comes from me.

When she was diagnosed with Asperger’s, it provided us with a route, a direction a guide map. We not only understood the difficulties she might face in the future but we could look at the experiences of others to understand how to help her.

Her diagnosis therefore brought about worry but also relief.

We had answers and with answers came the ability to plan.

We could educate ourselves, seek advice, and be confident in our actions. In essence knowing why she was finding life difficult meant that I could be more confident in my parenting, I was no longer stabbing totally in the dark.

With Number Two however I am beginning to realise that perhaps we (or more truthfully I) have to realise that there may not be answers out there. We may never understand why he doesn’t eat. We may never understand why his left arm learns things later than his right. And we may never know what the future will bring.

No answers are both positive and negative.

No formal diagnosis means that improvement is always possible, it means that one day we may wake to find that it difficulties have disappeared. But on the flip side it also means the opposite.

We have no road map, no guide book. Nowhere to look for answers.

And that is a lonely place to be in.

I miss having a tribe.

We have incredible friends and a very supportive family. We are incredibly lucky. But I would love to talk to someone who has walked the path we walk, or even better someone who is walking it as we do.

And without a diagnosis that is hard.

Of course we are not alone, worldwide many families have children with undiagnosed conditions, many for many years.

Answers are not always easy to come by.

Like everything else, it is something we will come to terms with. But I cannot help but wonder if we will ever stop looking.

For reasons. For answers. But most of all for a tribe.

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26 Comments

  1. Reply

    Beth

    May 18, 2017

    It is a horrible place to be when there is so much uncertainty and vagueness with no clear path. I hope in time things improve/become clearer xx

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 18, 2017

      Thank you so much, that’s very kind of you x

  2. Reply

    Deborah Nicholas

    May 19, 2017

    Its an awful feeling when youre not sure where you fit but i really do hope you find your tribe 🙂

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 19, 2017

      Thank you x

  3. Reply

    Donna Ashworth

    May 19, 2017

    Ah it must be so difficult – parenting is difficult at the best of times! I hope you get your diagnosis soon so you can find your tribe – I really do get that x

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 19, 2017

      Thank you so much x

  4. Reply

    Kirsty Dee

    May 19, 2017

    I hope you get some answers that bring you comfort. Being a parent is so hard sometimes and I hope that things improve for all of you. Your children sound so amazing and I hope that even without answers that you find a supportive tribe x

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 19, 2017

      Thank you, they are both stars, I am very lucky x

  5. Reply

    Babies and Beauty

    May 19, 2017

    Oh lovely, it’s so hard when you don’t have the answers, especially with your children as we as parents often know every single thing about them. You’ll get there lovely and one day be able to help out others with the answers you’ve found xxx

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 20, 2017

      Thank you, I really hope so x

  6. Reply

    Sarah Bailey

    May 20, 2017

    Sending you huge hugs I can imagine it is so hard, trying to work out what is what. I hope you find what you need to know and your tribe one day soon.

  7. Reply

    Rebecca

    May 20, 2017

    Oh I just want to lean in and give you a big hug! I know exactly how you feel. A diagnosis isn’t just ‘a label’ it’s a doorway that can lead to support and knowledge. I’m the same as you. I like answers and the ‘known’ haha x

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 21, 2017

      Ahh thank you so much, that’s just how I see it. Fingers crossed we’ll both have answers soon x

  8. Reply

    amanda walsh

    May 22, 2017

    Its such a horrid limbo place to be in and not having the answer you need can make so many things even more difficult. Hope you get the answers you need xx
    #PostFromTheHeart

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 22, 2017

      Thank you so much, that’s very kind of you x

  9. Reply

    Ruth Drake

    May 22, 2017

    I really feel for you and having friends in the same position I totally understand this, as the above comment says- it’s about so much more than a label! I really hope you get there and soon! In the meantime, we’ll be your tribe 🙂 You’re amazing! Keep that chin up #postsfromtheheart

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 22, 2017

      Thank you, that means a lot. I loved your post this morning, the little things really do matter x

  10. Reply

    Stephanie Merry

    May 22, 2017

    Sending you lots of hugs at the moment, can’t imagine how tough it must be at the moment x

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 22, 2017

      Thank you, that’s very kind of you x

  11. Reply

    Yaya

    May 22, 2017

    All that uncertainty must be so difficult. I suppose it’s a space that can be seen as both positive and negative. Maybe you can find your tribe amongst those that are still undiagnosed. Sending you lots of good vibes! x

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 22, 2017

      Fingers crossed, thank you x

  12. Reply

    Anne

    May 22, 2017

    Oh gosh, I so know what you mean about a tribe. I was mis-diagnosed a year ago and found a lovely tribe that were so welcoming and would answer all my questions. Then I was re-diagnosed with something so rare I have no-one who really understands what I’m going through. It’s the same with my daughter, we know we are on a path but so far she doesn’t fit neatly so we can’t really relate, or plan, or hope, or make decisions, we just don’t have any answers.
    As for reasons why, I gave up thinking about them.
    I would say I hope you have some answers soon, but I also know that’s not also possible, so I am hoping that you find some peace soon and things start falling into place for a comfortable and happy future for you and your boy xx
    #postsfromtheheart

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 22, 2017

      Thank you so much Anne, you are so kind. Sending you lots of love x

  13. Reply

    Louise Smith

    May 22, 2017

    Oh, Victoria, I’m sending big hugs. It must be so difficult at times. I hope you find your tribe one day.

    Louise x

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 22, 2017

      Thank you so much x

  14. Reply

    five little doves

    May 23, 2017

    I have been in this place for four years with Megan, and I’m not sure that we will ever get any answers. In some ways it was the same with Joseph, there were no answers as to why he died, and not knowing is the hardest thing of all. I hope that you do get some answers, but I understand just how tough it can be if you don’t. #postsfromtheheart

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