There Will Always Be A Last Time

Within the last twenty four hours I’ve had two very different experiences:

The first a wriggling, uncomfortable baby, who needed rocking for two hours in the middle of the night. Personality failure (mine) was close. It was I decided at one a.m. no accident that sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture.

The second, this morning. My eldest told me she didn’t need to be put to bed anymore, she could go up by herself.

The contrast was huge.

As I stood in the dark last night I wondered whether it really was possible to savour all of the moments of parenting. Thirteen months in, with an average of ten wake ups a night, that seemed like a tall ask. Actually if I’m honest it seemed nigh on impossible.

Until that is this morning.

Because, the truth is one day he won’t need rocking to sleep any more. The truth is that one day he too will look at me and tell me, he is now old enough to put himself to bed.

And then. Then I will wish that I had cherished those nighttime cuddles. I will wish his body once again fit in the crook of my arms. That I could smell his sweet baby smell just one more time.

Having almost nine years between the children has brought me so many insights. As one grows, imperceptibly more independent by the day, I am reminded often how quickly time goes.

It seems like only moments ago, that Number One was pleading to be allowed to sleep in our bed, riding on the Other Half’s shoulders, and hugging us at every opportunity.

Now we aren’t allowed to walk her to the school gate, she closes her door when getting dressed and it seems even at bedtime we are surplus to requirements.

Stark reminders that nothing lasts forever.

Of course, if we knew the time was nearing the end we would cherish those moments more closely, remember them, imprint them on our hearts.

But the truth is we don’t.

Our children change before our eyes, and yet so often we miss the little things, only noticing them when they’re gone.

So tonight, whilst I’m rocking and swaying in the middle of the night, I’ll make sure I hold him extra tight, smell his baby smell and remember that nothing lasts forever….

… and yes if it goes on for two hours I’ll probably still feel like having personality failure.

After all, I am still human x

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34 Comments

  1. Reply

    Pammy

    May 9, 2017

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts, it reminds me of how my mom would cherish the days when I and my siblings were younger. I miss her too!

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 10, 2017

      I’m sure she would have cherished them a great deal x

  2. Reply

    Maria

    May 10, 2017

    It’s so often in motherhood that we get so drained out from the experiences that we eventually go on robot mode. But the truth is once we get a breather we miss those moments because they’re moments we wished would last forever. To hold our babies close to our heart (literally) even in the wee hours of the night. To sing them lullabies that would imprint in their hearts forever until they need to repeat the same words to their own. These moments that feel so tiresome..but is worth every bit of energy because the one day when they no longer need that does come. Oh the heartbreak that come with motherhood.

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 10, 2017

      So very very true x

  3. Reply

    Devon Mama

    May 10, 2017

    I try and remind myself that there will be a day when I’ll miss being needed in the middle of the night or giving him a night feed. At the time it feels hard and tiring, I often find myself on my phone and yet I remember that one day, I won’t get these moments and I’ll miss them so much! Lovely post x

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 10, 2017

      Thank you, that’s exactly how I feel x

  4. Reply

    Vicki @ tippytupps

    May 10, 2017

    This is so true. When I’m tired and exhausted or all touched out, I try and remind myself of exactly this. One day they won’t need me anymore and I’ll be devastated!

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 10, 2017

      Exactly, it definitely helps when you’re feeling worn out x

  5. Reply

    Alice

    May 10, 2017

    This seems to be a recurring feeling and I will try to keep that in mind when my time comes! I can imagine the paradox that it causes… And also, even though I might agree much much more when I experience these types of nights, I already agree 100% that sleep deprivation IS a form of torture!!

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 11, 2017

      You will love it when your time comes x

  6. Reply

    Claire

    May 11, 2017

    Nice photo, and I totally agree how everything doesn’t last forever..

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 11, 2017

      Thank you x

  7. Reply

    Nadia

    May 11, 2017

    Oh that is beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. If we only knew as you say ❤️

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 11, 2017

      I guess maybe it would make it somehow less by. Knowing, I think I’d still opt to know though x

  8. Reply

    Morgana

    May 11, 2017

    Oh gosh, I miss those middle of the night baby cuddles. ‘The days are long but the years are short’ is so achingly true. Beautiful post xx

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 11, 2017

      Thanks so much, that is a beautiful quote, I’ll be sure to remember it x

  9. Reply

    Clare's Little Tots

    May 11, 2017

    My youngest decided a few months ago he no longer wants to be cuddled to sleep 🙂 he now loves a quick cuddle then to be put in his bed and to cuddle his soft toys. He’s happy but I’m not 🙁

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 11, 2017

      I can imagine that I will feel exactly the same when my little man decides that x

  10. Reply

    Jenny Taylor

    May 11, 2017

    So sweet and so true. I am experiencing this right now with my littlest who is stopping her naps to start school and I can’t believe no more babies will be napping in this house anymore. IT’s like everything has a last time and sometimes it’s sad when you don’t know when that very last time will be whether it’s feeding, napping rocking to sleep etc. But oh those amazing memories that come with it all.

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 11, 2017

      Ahh bless you, I can imagine. I think it’s all the more poignant with the last one x

  11. Reply

    Colette

    May 11, 2017

    The last time terrifies me – especially as you won’t know it has happened until it’s too late x

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 11, 2017

      Me too, all the more so the second time around I think x

  12. Reply

    Donna

    May 11, 2017

    The last time of anything is just so sad but I can’t even imagine not putting my children to bed, not sitting next to them and giving them a cuddle and a kiss on the cheek. Ahhhh so emotional! x

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 12, 2017

      They are all such precious moments to cherish x

  13. Reply

    Jen Walshaw

    May 11, 2017

    We are all human and those sleepless nights are torture. They nearly killed me (really, not figuratively). My boys are 12 and 10 and I still put them to bed and out phrase is you are never too old for a cuddle!

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 12, 2017

      That’s a very good phrase to remember x

  14. Reply

    Jenny

    May 11, 2017

    It’s true, we try so hard to savour it, but at the same time wish for peace or sleep. I need to remind myself more often about the little things. Xx

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 12, 2017

      Me too x

  15. Reply

    Becky | Spirited Puddle Jumper

    May 12, 2017

    What a lovely post Victoria, made me tear up a little! I agree that when we’re in the thick of things i.e. sleep deprivation it can feel suffocating, and I’m not alone in wanting breathing space, but before you know it’s over and they don’t need you anymore. It sounds cheesy, but I’m really going to try and savour number 3 who is due next month and enjoy those baby cuddles x

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 12, 2017

      It doesn’t sound cheesy at all. I hope you enjoy every second x

  16. Reply

    Lucy | Real Mum Reviews

    May 16, 2017

    Ah this post got me good! ? I know Neve is my last baby and as such every time we have a last time it breaks my heart! As much as I curse the night feeds and regular wake ups, I will miss those sleepy cuddles when they stop! #humpdaylinky

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 16, 2017

      Thank you, you are so right, it’s extra special with the last one x

  17. Reply

    Nadia

    May 19, 2017

    What a beautiful post. And ahhh, kids grow up too fast!! I don’t have any of my own yet but from what I hear from my friends who are mommies and from my own mom, you only understand how precious those moments with your kids are before those “lasts”. Loved this reminder that even when it’s tough going, those moments are still more valuable than anything else <3
    xox Nadia

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 19, 2017

      They are totally right, you really do x

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