Goodbye Reflux

Dear Reflux,

I have written to you so many times over the last year. You have been a permanent (if unwanted) feature in our home, in our lives.

You were a constant. Our reason. Something to fight with, to strive against.

We felt that if we could conquer you, everything would solved.

And battle you we did. From those early weeks of screaming, to the fear of milk that followed. We learnt to breastfeed in our sleep, and eventually during the day. We learnt about medications, we went to an osteopath.

We fought you in the night, as you woke us – sometimes as many as forty times. And we fought you during the day, when your pain meant we battled dehydration.

You stole, precious months from us. Moments were filled with worry and sadness when they should have been filled with joy.

You were the elephant in the room.

Our long awaited second baby, the little man we all love so much, didn’t have the start in life we wished for him. His sister, so loving of him, missed so much – of us and of her. Our priorities changed.

I’d never heard of infant reflux until you came along. And even if I had I could never have imagined just how much you would change our lives.

You altered our relationships not only with each other, but with our family and friends. You also showed us that love has no limits.

But, boy did you push those limits…

There were times, now looking back, when you nearly broke me. Times I stood in our bedroom rocking our son, planning my escape, from our life. Times when sleep deprivation meant my mind worked on overdrive. When I had no idea how my mind or body could survive another day.

I was a single mum for five years. I work with children with extreme behaviour. But nothing I have ever done is as hard as what you put me through.

You took us to the brink. Of our relationships and our sanity.

There is nothing to compare to the pain of seeing your child suffer and knowing you have no way to help them.

But now, finally you are gone.

We are free.

You have changed us. But you did not beat us.

You left us a legacy, and food continues to be a struggle. But our little man is no longer in pain. He is happy, he is smiling, he is free.

We no longer fill him with a cocktail of medications, a bad night is now seven or eight wake ups not forty. We are getting there, slowly but surely.

We are rebuilding our lives.

Because you did not win.

Family won. Our son won.

Love won.

It’s been a long battle, but we have never been alone. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and they are right. We have blessed with an amazing real life tribe, and met so many mums in the online world who have (and who continue to walk) a similar path.

You have left us a legacy of good, as well as one of bad.

I cannot thank you, but my anger is dissipating. I will not let let your memory ruin our future.

We will be at peace.

So goodbye Reflux.

You have done your worst.

But we have won.

Yours

Mummy Times Two x

May 13, 2017

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32 Comments

  1. Reply

    Babies and Beauty

    May 14, 2017

    Oh I’m so glad for you, reflux is horrendous. You’re right it takes a small village to raise a child, and I feel like a large town to raise one with reflux. I feel like we’re near the end with Patricks and I can’t wait to be able to say the same as you.

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 14, 2017

      I hope you get there soon, it really is so horrid isn’t it? X

  2. Reply

    Jasmin N

    May 14, 2017

    Oh, reflux sounds the worst! But all the smiles, happiness & pain free living forgives everything.

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 14, 2017

      It really does x

  3. Reply

    Nikki Higgs

    May 14, 2017

    This just made me shed a tear. My daughter has mild reflux and I cannot imagine what severe reflux is like. We thought we had started to make progress but since weaning began it’s been worse than ever, I shed a tear because right now I needed to hear that this will end….one day, one day it will end! I’m pleased the demon is gone!

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 14, 2017

      Sending much love to you, weaning made things worse for us too and he still struggles to eat. But the pain has gone and that is everything. I hope things improve for you soon x

  4. Reply

    Musings of a tired mummy...zzz...

    May 14, 2017

    Sounds terrible. None of my 3 have been troubled by it but the indigestion I had in pregnancy was terrible so you have my sympathy

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 15, 2017

      Thank you, so glad your little ones weren’t affected x

  5. Reply

    EssexKate

    May 14, 2017

    I’m so glad for you that the reflux has gone. It makes me angry that so many families are experiencing reflux, there has to be a reason that it is so common now. What is causing it? Why? I’m sure it never used to be such a problem. I wish they would spend more time researching it.

  6. Reply

    Emma

    May 14, 2017

    I’m so pleased to hear you don’t have to cope with it anymore, it’s such a horrible thing for babies to go through! Well done for raising awareness of it too, not enough is said about reflux! x

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 15, 2017

      Thank you so much, that’s really kind of you. X

  7. Reply

    Amy @ The Smallest Of Things

    May 14, 2017

    I have been very lucky that neither of my girls suffered but I have heard that it is just terrible. I am so glad you are coming out the other side and I hope it continues 🙂 ox

  8. Reply

    Lucy | Real Mum Reviews

    May 15, 2017

    Having read so much of your reflux journey it’s so lovely to read this post – I am so happy for your son that he is off the meds and smiling again. It may not be the only hurdle but it’s huge progress no doubt.

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 15, 2017

      It really is, thank you so much for following our story x

  9. Reply

    Charlotte Zealey

    May 15, 2017

    I bet you are so glad to have seen the end of the reflux it must have been once of the worst times of your life. I do not think it is something which I would wish on my worst enemy.

    Charlotte x

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 15, 2017

      We really are, thank you so much for reading our story x

  10. Reply

    daydreams of a mum

    May 15, 2017

    Having read your story, I am so pleased for you all that you’re finally rid of the reflux. It must have been a huge strain on you all #PostsFromTheHeart

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 15, 2017

      Thank you so much, it’s definitely a big relief x

  11. Reply

    keepmum

    May 15, 2017

    my daughter and my youngest son both suffered from reflux. we tried medicines and techniques and different bottles and alsorts. it sounds as though you had it worse than me but I know the frustration! the tiredness!
    Im glad you’re starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, unfortunately it is largely a case of waiting it out!
    #postsfromtheheart

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 15, 2017

      Thank you so much. I’m so glad your daughter and son are doing well now x

  12. Reply

    Jaymee (@_TheMumDiaries)

    May 15, 2017

    I haven’t experienced reflux with my 3 but I have read a lot about it! I am glad you coming through the other side!

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 15, 2017

      Thanks so much x

  13. Reply

    five little doves

    May 15, 2017

    I love this, and I feel very much the same. Reflux is so much more than others imagine it to be, unless you have been through it with your baby you will never understand the impact it leaves. But love always wins, you won. I’m proud of you. #postsfromtheheart

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 16, 2017

      Ahh thanks you, you are so lovely x

  14. Reply

    Kat | Kitty & B

    May 16, 2017

    Oh, I know this all too well. Reflux was our life, too. But B is fully free of it now and it’s hard to believe it ever played such a big part now! x

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 16, 2017

      So glad your little one is doing better now x

  15. Reply

    Jaime

    May 16, 2017

    Yay good riddance to it too! we felt the same way at 11 months when it finally went of our little one. Its such an awful thing for any baby to suffer with

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 16, 2017

      Thank you, it really is x

  16. Reply

    Nadine

    May 17, 2017

    Ah that’s so lovely, I’m glad you’ve beaten it. Reflux is so horrible 🙁 I’m still on the rough road with Reflux and wish love alone could really get rid of it! #Postsfromtheheart

  17. Reply

    Lisa (mumdadplus4)

    May 18, 2017

    Ah glad you are finally seeing light at then end of the tunnel, hope little man carries on and those bad night become a thing of the past x

    • Reply

      Mummy Times Two

      May 18, 2017

      Thank you so much x

  18. Reply

    Becci - The UnNatural Mother

    May 20, 2017

    Woooop Woooop !! I feel like i have been through the battle with you by reading the last 6 months worth of posts. I am over the moon that you are finally rid of reflux. Maybe you could have a thimble sized glass of wine tomorrow to celebrate
    #Postsfromtheheart

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