Dear Reflux…

Dear Reflux,

Did I ever tell you that I hate you? I hate that every day you hurt my baby. I hate that it took us so long to spot you. I hate that even now we know it’s you, you still control our lives.

Before I met you, I thought that breastfeeding was easy. I’d sailed through it with Number One. This was one part of motherhood I knew how to do. You stole that from me, you made feed times into a battleground, something to be stressed about not something to enjoy. You showed me what it was like to hear your baby screaming from hunger but not wanting to eat. You made me feel a failure. This was my baby. I should be able to feed him. I didn’t know what I was doing wrong.

Before I met you, I thought I understood my friends and family. I was wrong. You showed me there are some people who get it and some who don’t. There are some who don’t understand that my baby won’t lie on the floor because the acid burns his throat, others who are angry I won’t leave him with them because I know he’ll choke on the milk they are able to give. Yes you have forged friendships that will last a lifetime, shown me the people I can count on no matter what. But the price has been too high, for my baby, for me, for those we have lost.

Before I met you I though I understood what it was to be a mother. I had this. This was my much wanted, long awaited second baby. I was going to enjoy every single moment. Instead, I learn each day just how much pain my precious boy can tolerate. I watch him arch his back and scream, I watch him try to so hard to fall back asleep before you creep up on him, I watch him struggle and choke as we try him on new foods. And I am angry.

I am angry at what you have stolen from us. My son is the most amazing gift I have ever been given. He does not deserve you. We do not deserve you. I wish you would go, and if you will not go, I wish you would give me the pain instead. I wish you would leave my baby alone.

Yours truly,

Mummy

(If you’re wondering how we’re feeling two months on why not check out Dearest Reflux our latest reflux post)

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18 Comments

  1. glossytots
    November 1, 2016 / 3:15 pm

    My daughter is still suffering with it now and she’s 4, we have episodes of projectile vomiting and crying even now. Best thing that made Erin’s leave for two years was a cranial oesteopath! I thought yeah right what a load of tosh! But I’m pleased to say it worked xxx

    • November 2, 2016 / 9:17 am

      We’ve seen a cranial osteopath too, and it made a huge difference. Fingers crossed things will get better for your daughter soon x

      • glossytots
        November 2, 2016 / 11:10 am

        Thank you xx

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  5. R
    January 11, 2017 / 7:16 pm

    Hi,

    Not sure if you have looked into it but my baby was allergic to milk protein, cut out milk products from my diet, much happier baby.

    • Mummy Times Two
      January 21, 2017 / 3:18 pm

      Thank you so much, we have recently done just that, and so far (touch wood) it seems to be helping x

  6. January 24, 2017 / 4:02 am

    Such a heart felt post. I have had issues with reflux with all of my kids. It often left me feeling alone or that I was doing something wrong by breastfeeding. The projectile vomiting was awful, but I think that it is down to letting too much air inside when feeding. You know it happens a lot when kids get excited drinking milk. My eldest is 13 now, and my youngest is two and still stopping breastfeeding. However, when she was born the projectile vomiting had me feeling like a novice.

    • Mummy Times Two
      January 25, 2017 / 10:13 pm

      Sending love, so glad they are doing better now x

  7. Jenny
    February 22, 2017 / 11:33 pm

    I almost lost one if my daughter’s to reflux. In a car seat on her way to a hospital check up she inhaled her own vomit……
    She was resuscitated and in a coma for a week. We were seconds….minutes from losing her altogether……

    • Mummy Times Two
      February 25, 2017 / 8:48 pm

      I cannot even begin to imagine how hard that must have been for you. I hope things have improved for your daughter now x

  8. Toni
    February 24, 2017 / 5:11 pm

    Has anyone tried cranial osteopathy? My little girl is 8 weeks and struggled and been through a range of meds until ranitidine twice daily but still in pain, but started sessions just over a week ago…. From the first session she has stopped projectile vomiting and choking on feeds and began sleeping…..

    • Mummy Times Two
      February 25, 2017 / 8:36 pm

      Yes, it made a big difference to us in the early days, so glad it is helping you x

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