I (like my daughter I suppose), do not deal well in grey. I deal in black and white, right or wrong. Given a choice I prefer my decisions, like my life to be straightforward ones.
Especially when it comes to the children.
Unfortunately Reflux, and indeed life rarely works that way. There are a multitude of greys to be navigated. And like all parents everywhere, navigate them we do.
Today has been one of those days.
After spending five days off his reflux meds in preparation for tests, we got to the hospital today to be told that Number Two’s high temperature meant they couldn’t go ahead. A week of pain and a ten hour round trip later, and no nearer to having any of the answers, we are now on our way home.
On our way home with Hobson’s Choice to make. Do we return for the tests, and if so when? Or do we take what we have learnt from a week off the meds and make a plan based on that. Try a new medication regime, and have tests only much later if that doesn’t work.
It is, as we were told today, an elective procedure. Technically the choice is ours.
Either way is right. Either way is also wrong.
Another week off the medication, means another week of total food refusal, more negative associations with foods. It means dehydration as he’ll refuse to drink during the day. It means, coughing and choking and bringing up acid. Of course, it means another ten hour round trip, which could easily lead to as few answers of this one. But more than anything it means pain.
But it could also bring answers, solutions, a plan which works. It would give us a scientific base from which to assess our options and plan the future. We will know what is anatomical, what is allergy related, what is acid related and what is behaviour- or at least that is the theory.
I guess in reality the odds right now seem against us, it feels as though whatever we do we are destined not to get the answers.
But that I know is just today speaking.
Tomorrow is a new day. And as always a new day will bring new hope.
The procedures will be scheduled and we’ll once again prepare for them and hope.